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16/01/06 - SIX-GOAL THRILLER
Hurricanes hang on for a hollow victory
Hurricanes 6 Rehab 0 Sunday 15th January 06
On what Winnie-the-Pooh would call a blustery day, The Hurricanes slumped to a miserable six-nil victory at the Richmond arena. Striaght from the kick-off, Rehab continuosly carried the ball to within 20 YARDS of the Hurricanes goal, even managing to have two shots on target in the first half.
Rene Higuita
Finally the 'Canes broke the deadlock with a smooth finish from young Nick, And then Gray did manage a couple of nice moves, first having a goal controversially disallowed for being offside, then scoring one of his trademark solo goals, beating two men before spanking the ball in the back of the net. But his silky skills were quickly dimmed as the Hurricanes struggled to add to their tally.
Unacceptable
Haggis seemed to lose the plot completely during a spell in goal, his passing more random than a roulette wheel. In a moment of sheer madness, while under no pressure whatsoever he passed the ball straight to a Rehab striker 12 yards out, who fortunately hit his subsequent strike straight at the hapless goalie.
Shameful
The home team were booed off the pitch at half-time, their heads hung low in abject shame and embarassment at their slender two-goal lead.
Spineless
Club captain Phil Sanchez struggled to contain his disgust for his timid team-mates, berating several players for coming back onto the pitch wearing SWEATSHIRTS. "In my day, football was a man's game." Tutted Haggis, in agreement.
Substandard
Cryney, normally such a livewire on the left flank, had a subdued afternoon, and the standard of finishing from the 'Canes was poor all round; even top scorer Phil seemed to be having an off-day in front of goal, firing straight at Jamie in a one-on-one situation.
Shambolic at the back
Time and again Rehab caught the 'Canes on the break, during one dark minute managing TWO SUCCESSIVE CORNERS. At one point, only a crucial tackle from Nick quashed a dangerous attack. Poor Bez even had the indignity of having to pick the ball out of his own net, though the goal was eventually disallowed as the ball had previously gone out of play.
Scrappy-Dappy-Doo
The match was summed up by the fact that no-one could choose who was man-of-the-match; quite simply, no-one was worthy of such an accolade.
I'm an optimist, so am willing to put this embarrassing single-figure scoreline down as a blip: Even the mightiest of teams stumbles occasionally. Lets hope the lads get their act together next week. They rode their luck yesterday, But it's only a matter of time before Rehab score FOR REAL. And that would just be too horrible to contemplate.
By Mark Everton
ELEVENTH HEAVEN
Rehab are well and truly 'Swizzles-Matlowed'
Hurricanes 11 Rehab 0, Sunday 8th Janruary 2006
A Cryney hat-trick set the Hurricanes on their way to another emphatic victory on Sunday. The Fierey winger opened the scoring with a fizz-wizzer from 18 yards in the 7th minute, before doubling the 'Canes lead a minute later With another rocket which Sherbet-dipped into the back of the net.. Rehab's defence was all over the place, and Phil, Haggis and Bez all took advantage before the break.
Shooting practice
The Hurricanes came out even stronger after the break, with Haggis almost catching out Jamie straight from the kick-off. The 'Canes had a fairly obvious hidden agenda to get Graham on the scoresheet, which led to some slightly farcical play as the rest of the team kept passing straight to him, but Hell, they were FIVE GOALS UP, they could afford to mess about. Though there was some unpleasantness when Cryney had a shot and was thus branded selfish by one of his team-mates.
This sourness left an unpleasant taste in the mouth, like when you've eaten one too many Refreshers bars, but nothing could dampen another thrilling afternoon in cold, wet Marple.
Charge of the Light Brigade
with the score at 9-0, Rehab realised a change in tactics was perhaps required, and so launched into a series of all-out attacks, which only resulted in three disallowed goals and two more goals for the Hurricanes. the first came about after a delightful one-two between Phil and Haggis, and the second was the goal of the match. the goal of any match; in fact, quite simply, it was THE GREATEST GOAL EVER SCORED AT THE RICHMOND ARENA.
Picking up the ball inside his own half, Bez charged down the right wing in what everyone knew would be the last move of the match. As he ghosted towards the Rehab touchline, team-mate Gray was screaming for the pass he needed to complete his hat-trick, but Bez had other ideas. With just four seconds on the clock, the tricky winger DINKED the ball with his left toe, sending it fizzing goalward like a dib-dab on the tongue. Both player and fan alike gasped orgasmically as the ball sailed JUST inside the near post. It was a goal which none who witnessed it shall ever forget, and a true reminder of why they call football the beautiful game. Thank you, Bez, for bringing a tear to the eye of a jaded old football journalist. thank you.
By Mark Everton
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HURRICANES STORM TO VICTORY
Hurricanes 4-3 Rehab, Sunday 11th December
Reddish Rehab caused an upset by turning up, and then stunned the home favourites with a fierey first-half performance, cruising into a 3-1 lead before the lads finally got their arses in gear.
The visitors threatened from the offset, and soon found themselves one-up thanks to an expert finish from a bloke-I-can't-remember-the-name-of. The Hurricanes rallied and briefly shone like the team of old, with a Cryney goal disallowed for being inside the area. The visitors attacked again, but in a stirring counter-attack the Hurricanes scored the goal of the match.
Intercepting a pass from wotsisname, Haggis played a fast and accurate diagonal ball to Bez on the right wing, who delivered a defence-splitting crossfield pass to an unmarked Gray. The ball sizzled off his foot and soon found it's way into the bottom carner, keeper Jamie having no chance.
However, through a combination of haphazard defending and poor distribution, the Hurricanes allowed the Rehab to fire home two more before the break. The visiting side were barely able to conceal their glee as the stunned Hurricanes limped off for a much-needed tactical rethink and an animal biscuit.
A GAME OF TWO HALVES
The Hurricanes could only improve, and within seconds of the restart Haggis raced on to a through-ball and toe-bunged inches wide. Perhaps a tactical naivety was exposed as the Rehab tried to defend their lead to the final whistle. The home side laid seige to the visitors goal, as shots rained in from all angles. goalkeeper Jamie made a succession of suberb saves, possibly with an eye on making the England squad for next summers world cup finals. but eventually the home side's persistence paid off, two goals coming in quick succession before Nik San fired in a sumptous winner with the last kick of the match.
However, the game's main talking point came when the teams were level three-all. in a controversial move, The Hurricanes made a line-change just as The Rehab launched a rare second-half counter attack. As a Rehab striker bore down on a rather worried Haggis, Cryney galloped onto the field and SCYTHED the string-bean striker down with a cynical challenge just outside the box. Though he escaped unpunished, the ref perhaps swayed by the winger's cheeky grin, footage of the incident has already been sent to UEFA for analysis.
Man of the match - Jamie in the Rehab goal. hands down.
Oh, and Haggis didn't make a single save - AGAIN, though this time he didn't have to.
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